WHEATLAND — One of the major obstacles to overcome when caring for a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s is that the caregiver often does not know what their loved one does not know. 

Read that again. 

On a “good” day, their loved one may behave and operate in the expected and “normal” ways. On another day, their loved one may appear confused, lost, combative, or angry. 

As a new member of the local Dementia & Alzheimer’s Caregivers Support Group recently started by Stacy Reichardt said, “I’m on this path and I think we are going ahead just fine, and then I fall off the path. I just don’t know what to expect anymore. I just don’t know what I’m up against.” 

Even though the caregiver may continue to make life as normal as possible, things still get confused, or their loved one is in denial about changes in their behavior. The loved one affected by dementia may become resistant and stubborn to changes in the household, such as losing a driver’s license or having financial responsibilities removed from them. 

According to Reichardt, it is often necessary to begin to remove certain responsibilities with safety concerns involved, such as driving:  getting lost while driving, or possibly getting into an accident. Dangers lurk everywhere and the caregiver keeping track of safeguarding the home takes on a double load of responsibility. Checking the stovetop, making sure finances or technology and IDs are secure, or making sure doors are locked at night. 

Another new member explained how her loved one will retell a story from childhood or young adulthood with the greatest of detail and forget that they just had a conversation or a meal five minutes after it has happened. Long-term memory can trump the short-term memory causing a growing degree of friction, misunderstandings, and sadness.

“It’s so difficult for our loved ones to lose their independence. Losing the ability to drive or go on a walk, or even to be left alone in the house becomes very isolating for them,” she said. “Part of this cruel disease is losing that independence.”

Reichardt continues to encourage caregivers to gather for a time of sharing with one another, leaning on one another when the days are hard and lonely, or even to learn about coping with the disease process from experts or through literature.

“Sometimes what we really need is a big hug,” Reichardt said. “We are here for that. Whatever this group needs, we want to accommodate. Sometimes that will be telling our stories. We may even have the benefit of a healthcare provider coming to inform us about the disease, but at all times it will be a safe place to express the hard emotions.” 

After a suggestion from a new member, the group has purchased the book “A Caregiver’s Guide to Dementia” by Alison Blaire. Enough copies have been purchased to accommodate about 11 members. If interested in purchasing this book, please attend the next support meeting taking place at the United Church of Christ on Wednesday, February 14 at noon, or contact Stacy Reichardt. Please provide your own brown bag lunch for the next meeting. Reichardt can be reached at 307-331-1951.

 In addition, there will be an Alzheimer’s Community Forum from 1:00 - 2:30 p.m. on March 6 at the Platte County Public Library in Wheatland.