A love hate relationship

Mark DeLap
Posted 2/16/21

Wonderful spirit of competition we had here during the first quarter of the year.

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A love hate relationship

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Wonderful spirit of competition we had here during the first quarter of the year. Basketball to political cutthroat.

Love competition. Love free speech. Love the rights we have been afforded in this country. Love sportsmanship after a contest. Love it when the Badgers win.

Hate the trash talk. Hate the bullying. Hate the self-righteous attitudes that only afford free speech to those who agree with them. Hate the hate after a contest is over. Hate it when the Badgers lose.

Now, I have named two words that automatically disqualify me from being your friend. Badgers and Badgers. Why? Because most of my readership here root for the Cowboys or the Huskers. And why don’t I root for the Cowboys or Huskers? Because that would really alienate me from at least half of you.

The real stinky issue here is that I can’t be friends with “the other side” because I am guilty by association. For example, if I am wearing my Badgers jersey and hanging out with friends who are at a Cowboys party, then of course, if you’re a Cowboys fan, you hate me now for life.

“Well!” you exclaim. “We know you believe in what they stand for because youwere at their party.”

That makes about as much sense as three plus three equals blue. Am I a Husker die-hard? No. Then why do I go? Because I have friends there and because I was invited and just maybe I’ll have a chance to make a difference in someone’s life.

I actually have a strong enough mind and internal moral compass not to adopt an agenda or be swayed by a persuasion just because they are my friends. Isn’t that the hatred that struck Christ when they judged him a sinner because he hung out with sinners? They felt he was a supporter of the Roman tax system because he hung out with the publicans? They labeled him an alcoholic because he drank with those who were getting bent. They labeled him because of the friends he kept.

Did it not make it worse when he said that he would offer the greatest love, to die for those friends?

It didn’t make Him a fisherman or a tax collector or a gigolo or thief because he hung out with those people. He had that great attitude when those he hung out with would begin to argue with him. He would rather win souls than an argument and he was proficient in “sand writing.” He would not bend his principles or his beliefs for his friends and they still hung out with him. That is a true definition of a friend. They don’t judge and they don’t always have to think inside “your” box. Friends have no fear of stating what they believe, but don’t have to have a final word when others differ. Friends don’t make you eat something you can’t stomach.

When you turn your back on someone who doesn’t see the same things through your telescope, you don’t want friends, you want “yes-men” that won’t upset your “ologies.” 

Jesus didn’t bear the colors of the Roman government nor did he support the kingdom building of the Hebrews. He told them very plainly, “My kingdom is not of this world.” Can we have an altogether different agenda than the ones we choose to befriend? Obviously, He could and He did with no fear of what people said. Can we agree to disagree without ruining our friendships?

Do you know that there were some friends of Dr. Martin Luther king that didn’t agree with all of his theology, his policies and his political ideas, and yet they marched with him at Selma? He loved them because they were his friends, not because they were his puppets. And they loved him because he didn’t leave them if they disagreed.

We sometimes live in the world of thirds. As a pastor, if you set the thermostat at 70 degrees, a third would say it’s too hot, a third would say it’s too cold and a third would say, if you touch that thermostat, I am leaving your church.

We can’t please everyone, and my obligation at this point in my life is to cover stories and events and I want to be friends with everyone. Sometimes unrealistic in this world of thirds. If I cover the conservatives, that automatically makes me one. If I cover a liberal event, then of course that makes me one. If I print the conservative story first, the liberals say, “Oh, see – he’s giving an advantage to them.” If I print the liberal story second, the conservatives will say, “Oh, see – he’s giving them the last word.”

Guess what? I have Methodist episcopal roots on my dad’s side with a grandfather who was pastoring a church during the Civil War and was a northern stop for the underground railroad. I had Pentecostal ancestors in Ireland and Scotland. My family was steeped in the Democratic Party with relatives working for John F. Kennedy’s presidential campaign in Wisconsin. My maternal roots were steeped in Catholicism and some were steeped in alcoholism. I campaigned for George H. Bush. I could have been an aborted baby by parents who weren’t ready for children. I am bipartisan with a moral compass. I support the laws of the land but don’t believe everything is black and white.

How do you pick who I am from that tangled fishing reel? I have friends who are Democrats, friends who are Republicans, friends who are Catholic, friends who are Protestant and even some friends who are Reformed. I have Friends who are very rich and friends that are homeless. I’ve had friends who were American heroes and friends that the only time they got their name in the paper was when they died. I have Friends who are very intelligent and friends who are mentally challenged. Friends who are drunks and friends who are teetotalers. Friends who are sinners, and well – isn’t that all of us?

If you judge me by who I am friends with, then you don’t have an understanding of compassion. If you turn your back on me because I don’t always agree with you, your mind is narrow and your way is shallow. If you are too scared to go into a room with a different point of view for fear you’ll compromise your beliefs, then your beliefs just aren’t strong enough. We can be in the world without being of the world. God so loved the world without having become like it. And it’s His Spirit that lives in me. 

And for what it’s worth, it always amazes me how you can love the homeless but hate the one who values their own opinion.